Choosing the Wrong Mate and What That Looks Like from a Biblical Lens

©

I thank God for second and third chances and sometimes more, as our choices are used for His purpose. Yes, even the wrong choices. The chances He gives us do not make us right; we are liable for our wrongs. God reminds us in His Word that nothing we do will stop His plans, maybe our own but not His. God says, “I declare the end and the result from the beginning, And from ancient times the things which have not [yet] been done, Saying, ‘My purpose will be established, And I will do all that pleases Me and fulfills My purpose,’ Isaiah 46:10. Many divorced people unfortunately did not consult God before choosing a mate. I know this all too well. This admission is not saying the person I married was terrible; they were just not created for me. When Adam saw Eve, he said, “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” This tells us that he knew her in a way that went beyond physical attraction and, more so, towards spiritual attraction. I believe that when Adam awoke, he awoke with God's vision of knowing his mate. When discussing finding a mate, I always tell women, “he should see you.” He should know that you are for him, and you should also know. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22. Initially, we as women may not readily accept the connection from the man out of fear, from past hurts of neglect or rejection. When Adam and Eve met, there was no sin yet. There is something so profoundly divine about this type of connection that my words are not fit to describe it, but I’ll do my best. I will be honest: I used to think this type of God vision was only in the Bible days or the 40s when men and women seemed to desire the things of God, being more focused on marriage and family, the forever thing.

I am thankful to report I was made a believer after I had given up trying to play matchmaker for myself. God sent me my Boaz when I wasn’t looking. I was in the fields harvesting souls for Jesus Christ, and I can say I was pretty content. I was at peace after divorce and some in-betweens. I had settled with the idea that marriage might not be for me. So, I professed that I would be married to the ministry that God had given me. Yes, many suitors beckoned, but I told them I was married to the ministry. I could see the Holy Spirit working in me, teaching and correcting me in my way of seeing Him and honoring Him and my temple His temple. Some may wonder if I was crazy for turning some of those men down, but I wasn’t because I could hear God louder than ever. I knew God's heart for me like never before, and I knew that this man, if he existed, would find me and have a heart for me in the likeness of God. I know that was bold, but I believed and chose to live like I believed. I also decided to be satisfied if he never came. I was in a mindset like Jesus Christ: “Lord, let thy will be done.” This next chapter had to be about what God wanted and not me. I was content in this place of singleness God had placed me in. I had become quite territorial in that place; the idea that some man wanted to come into this sacred relationship that I had surrendered to in God was a bit scary. Yes, I had some trust issues, and all I can say is, “But God!”

Unfortunately, we live in a society where many, even clergy, try to shame others who have been married more than once. They throw around scripture stating that if your spouse didn’t die and you divorced, you are an adulterer, and the only way you could have divorced is that your spouse committed adultery against you, etc. Would I come against the Word of God and say they are liars? No, not a chance. As an ordained minister, I stand on the Word of God, but I say that we must know how to eat and digest the Word of God, lest we fall on our sword of judgment. Now, without getting deep into scripture, the Bible says, “Study and do your best to present yourself to God approved, a workman [tested by trial] who has no reason to be ashamed, accurately handling and skillfully teaching the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15. I do know that we have all had charges against us as we have all sinned against God. Yes, it is not God's will that we marry and divorce. Unfortunately, as with many sins, we find ourselves going against His will and needing his grace, mercy, and forgiveness. We who have found ourselves playing the role of God in our lives, forgetting that we are not our own, have found ourselves seeking His forgiveness. This ability is given through true confession and repentance with a do-no-more mindset. For those who say otherwise, I suggest you read your Bible very well and understand the heart of God and what He has revealed. I suggest you not blindly use a few scriptures in ignorance to convict anyone who has gotten a divorce. Have we not all sinned against God? Is this any more wrong than the liar, the thief, the fornicator, or the murderer? Isn’t it better to know that you are not living where God has called you out of, where He never directed you to go? Indeed, one cannot think that the sin of adultery is beyond the forgiveness of God after all the sinning we have all committed against His Holiness. By no means should we be using divorce as an escape from a God-ordained marriage. The Bible says, ‘Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. 1 James 1:17 and another scripture says, ”The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it. Proverb 10:22. If you think everyone should be tied together forever on earth, no matter the pain the suffering that causes many to adulterate their marriages until the end as they seek some ease from their suffering of a wrong choice, then I suppose we all should be tied to our choices and never forgiven. If you think this way, are we all not then doomed to eternal hell?

Might I suggest that those who have never dealt with this type of situation be a bit more gentle in their judgment and pray for those who are in abusive, neglectful, mentally, emotionally, spiritually depriving, and oftentimes dangerous marriages? The Bible says, “Against You, You only, have I sinned And done that which is evil in Your sight So that You are justified when You speak [Your sentence] And faultless in Your judgment. Psalm 51:4. So, at the end of the day, though divorce is hard and hurts both people and their families, we have not sinned against anyone except God. Sadly, we all have, which is our ultimate sorrow. So, the issue should be whether the person learned and turned away from their lawlessness, learning to seek the Lord in all things choosing, and abiding in Christ so their path would be straight. This is one of the reasons why I am so passionate about marriage and fixing as many as possible with the help of God while helping those who choose to move on from that dry place God did not call them to be. I have been the woman at the well. I have yearned to be that virtuous woman in the midst of it all, and now I am her. I leave you, my reader, with this question: if the marriage rite says, “Let no man put asunder what God has joined together,” who then can put together what God has not?

Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked? Ecclesiastes 7:13

*This blog was written in response to the multiple questions I received on divorce and the Bible…which is the heart of God speaking.